How to Write Badly
by Gerald Grow
1. Start with a simple statement:
We quit because nobody knew how to program the computer.
2. Put it in the passive voice, to dilute the responsibility:
It was decided to quit.
3. Expand with terminology that does not add meaning:
It was decided to terminate.
4. Build in noun strings:
It was decided to terminate project processes.
5. Add a qualifier of uncertain relation to the original statement:
On account of the status of the computer, it was decided to terminate project processes.
6. Add noun strings and terminology to the qualifier:
On account of the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was decided to terminate project processes.
7. Separate related words:
On account of the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was decided to terminate until a later date project processes.
8. Equivocate:
On account of the uncertain status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, it was proposed and tentatively adopted to suspend temporarily until a later date project processes.
9. Obfuscate:
Due to uncertainties in the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, proposals were carefully considered and tentatively adopted to suspend temporarily until a later date project processes.
10. Cover your tracks to make yourself look good:
Due to unavoidable uncertainties in the status of the computer program assessment planning development effort, a number of contingency proposals were carefully considered and one was tentatively adopted to suspend on a temporary basis until a later date those project processes deemed unessential to the expeditious fulfillment of contract requirements.
© 1981 by Gerald Grow. For permission to reprint this document. www.longleaf.net
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