Description
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O'Leno is
a good example of a state park in Florida. Surrounded by the
tall, shaded woods of a beautiful hardwood forest, the Santa
Fe River disappears in a large, slowly swirling, tree-lined pool.
After appearing intermittently in scattered sinkholes, the river
rises three miles downstream in a big boil, then continues on
to meet the Suwannee and the sea. Nearby, stands of cypress mirror
themselves in the still waters, walls of dense river swamp rise
before you, sudden sinkholes open in the woodlands-rich with
cool ferns and mosses. Farther from the river, expanses of longleaf
pinelands stretch across rolling hills. In the midst of this
lovely setting, you find 65 campsites, 18 rustic cabins, and
a pavilion for group meetings. A diving platform marks a good
place to swim in the soft, cool waters of the Santa Fe, and canoeing
up this dark river is like traveling backwards in time in the
direction of original Florida.
Comments on description:
- Description is not what you saw, but what readers need to
see in order to imagine the scene, person, object, etc.
- Description requires you to record a series of detailed observations.
Be especially careful to make real observations. The success
of a description lies in the difference between what a reader
can imagine and what you actually saw and recorded; from that
gap arises a spark of engagement.
- Use sensory language. Go light on adjectives and adverbs.
Look for ways to describe action. Pay special attention to the
sound and rhythm of words; use these when you can.
- Think that your language is not so much describing a thing
as describing a frame around the thing--a frame so vivid that
your reader can pour his or her imagination into it and "see"
the thing--even though you never showed it. Portray. Also evoke.
- The key problem in description is to avoid being static or
flat. Adopt a strategy that makes your description into a little
story: move from far to near, left to right, old to new, or,
as in this example, down a river, to give your description a
natural flow.
- Think of description as a little narrative in which the visual
characteristics unfold in a natural, interesting, dramatic order.
Think of what pieces readers need, in what order, to construct
a scene. Try making the description a little dramatic revelation,
like watching an actor put on a costume--where you cannot decipher
what the costume means until many of the parts are in place.
- Never tease readers or withhold descriptive detail, unless
for some strange reason that is the nature of your writing. Lay
it out. Give your description away as generously as the world
gives away sights. Let it show as transparently as seeing.
- The cognitive difficulty in description is simple: People
see all-at-once. But they read sequentially, one-part-at-the-time,
in a series of pieces. Choose the pieces. Sequence them so they
add up. Think: Readers first read this, now this, now this; what
do they need next?
- Remember, you never just describe something: The description
is always part of a larger point. Use the description to make
your point, or to move your story along.
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